A Deep Sense of Wanderlust

Wanderlust: From the German words, wandern (to wander) and Lust (desire, pleasure). Meaning: strong longing for or impulse toward wandering. A strong desire to travel.*
*Definition from the Merriam-Webster website.

Since I was a kid, I always enjoyed vacation times, and traveling. I didn’t need to go far. There were often times I remember asking my parents if we could just go for a ride on a weekend afternoon. The idea of getting in the car and going was enough to bring me joy. 🙂 In my mid- and late-twenties, I was often traveling: for healing workshops, to meet friends for a day or weekend away, or sometimes just to go. The last two years at my retail job (2009 and 2010), I took extended “working vacations” to Arizona and California, to both see friends and family, so some sightseeing, and to do readings and healing classes. Those were some of my most joyous experiences – and, the trip to California in 2010 was the last time I took an extended vacation.

These last few days, I have felt an incredible sense of wanderlust – but more so than I have EVER felt before. Yes, there is a part of me that wants, that needs to go. Go where, I don’t know . . . but just GO. Yesterday evening, I had the thought – which has shown up a few times in the last couple of years, but was almost pushing at my spirit – “Maybe I will just sell all my stuff, take Kelly and we will get a van or RV and just go travel the country. I can have the freedom to go meet anyone, anywhere for a reading, do my virtual assisting work, and just . . . figure things out.”

Call it cabin fever, call it restlessness, call it what you will – but there is a deep part of me that wants to just run, fly, GO. There is a deeper part of me that knows that I would just be looking for a “geographical cure” – looking to heal what feels “broken” by getting away from my current circumstances. There is another part of me that is incredibly triggered in fear when I think about this. Would I be able to support myself financially? Could I really do it? What about this? How about that? These are parts of my mind, heart, and spirit that I must be willing to look at, heal, and shift (willing even if not wanting to) – but I still feel that all of those thoughts aside, there is still a deep desire to GO. To travel. To be FREE.

I have known this feeling was there for a while, but I couldn’t put it into words until last night. This is what my weekend of quietness,, and my writing journey of the last two weeks, has brought to the surface. I don’t know what will come of it, but I know from therapy that awareness is the first step to transformation and change. 🙂